Blessed

Most of my life I have been an optimist and have tried to look at the bright side of things, see the glass half full instead of half empty. But there was a point in my life when I became very pessimistic and depressed. It was a dark time in my life. I felt like every one was against me and that I could not trust anyone. My self-esteem hit rock bottom and it was hard to face the world every morning. I became a hermit, only leaving the house to go to work. I won't go into the details of why, but it was a sad few years.

Thankfully, with the help of family, friends, and a doctor's assistance, I was able to recover and start feeling happy again. It was a long struggle and I often relapsed into negative self-talk. not trusting people, and wanting to stay home and lay on the couch. It was a hard battle to fight, but I was lucky to have the support and love to get through that horrible, sad time.

Now, here I sit today feeling blessed way more than I deserve. I have a wonderful husband, who I also feel is my best friend. I have a super group of friends that stretches from the West Coast to the almost East Coast, I have a loving family and family-in-law, and I have 7 sweet kitties who adore me. There are so many little things that I realize or see everyday that just make me smile and feel good inside.

I wanted to share this, not to brag, but to offer hope for anyone who is going through the dark part of their life. There are sayings that start, "You have to hit rock bottom before..." and you can pretty much fill in the blank with anything. I fill that saying in with "...you realize how blessed you are." I think I was meant to go through that horrible time in my life so that I would see the true blessings in my life and appreciate things. I was, and still am a little, a big ole whiner. "It isn't fair that that person has a great big house." "Why can't I get a promotion?" "I hate my job, my life, my car." I was so negative that I could not see the blessings that were in my life.

Now I appreciate so much more because I see all the wonderful things in my life and know that those things can be taken away in an instant. I try very hard to let my loved ones know how I feel about them because you never know when what you say to them will be the last thing you ever get to say to them. I lost my dad 3 1/2 years ago and the last communication to him was an e-mail I had sent him with some pictures of a covered bridge and some pretty Oregon scenery. The e-mail said that I wasn't going to make it home for Christmas that year. But it also said that I loved him and that I thought of him when I took the pictures, which is why I was sending them to him. He passed away the next morning. I could dwell on the fact that the last thing I told him was that I wasn't coming home, but my heart won't let me. I felt so blessed that he had read my e-mail the night before he passed and that he had seen those pictures and that he knew I thought about him daily, even if I didn't see or talk to him every day. Now every time I pass that covered bridge, I smile because I think of my daddy and know that he knew how much I love him.

I hope my point has come through in this blog. Everyone of us is blessed, even in our darkest hours. You have to be able to see that and appreciate that in order to find your true happiness. Don't let your life slip away from you or spend it in a deep, dark hole. Look around you and really take in your blessings. Life is going to throw you heartache and obstacles and stuff that just does not seem fair or things that you don't feel you can handle. It is okay to have a meltdown or just throw your hands up and cry. But after you do that, try to find the positive in the situation. There may not be any, but I can guarantee, there is something or someone in your life that is.